Grunt 'allo' and watch sales rise

Gulf professionals have voted for their preferred way to answer the phone – and grunting 'allo' at anyone who calls is at the top of the list.

The results of the survey carried out by Mackenzie and Shah, a marketing and sales consultancy, give clear guidance to local businesses when it came to phone etiquette.

David Pringle, a Senior Consultant with the group, said that the findings made it clear that mumbling, grunting, or spitting out 'allo' was the professional choice when picking up.

'Conventional wisdom might suggest that it makes sense for a salesman to answer his phone by saying his name, for example. Equally, if that sales person knows who's calling, he might answer by politely greeting the caller by name and asking him how he is,' said Pringle. 'We also thought that people calling a business would have liked similarly clear phone answering technique.'

'That might be the case in other parts of the world, but it doesn't fit here. Grunting 'allo' down the phone, regardless of who is calling, was universally seen as the most professional option.'

Pringle said that the results spoke for themselves and that businesses should take note.

Another aspect of regional phone answering that got under respondents' nerves was people who ask clear questions and wait for answers.

'People don't like it,' added Thomas Joseph, a respondent, who said that he often needed to call businesses for both work and personal reasons. 'Whether I'm calling the laundrette, my lawyer or my stockbroker, I want the caller to answer with a grunted 'allo' and then proceed to shouting 'tell me' or 'hello' repeatedly, whilst ignoring whatever I am saying.'

Ali M, a property sales consultant, said that he had spent a lot of time perfecting his grunts. 'Most people who call me are international real estate executives looking to pour billions into local projects. If I didn't burp 'allo' down the phone at them in a disinterested and bored fashion, they might call someone else instead. My profits could evaporate.'

Mackenzie and Shah are planning more surveys over the coming months, the results of which they also expect to buck convention and to show what Gulf consumers really want.

Next on their list is a poll focusing on car owners – with the majority of owners expected to prefer their local distributors not to keep common parts in stock. The reason? Waiting six weeks for a windscreen wiper to be delivered from Germany and paying a fortune for the privilege is 'all part of the fun of car ownership in the Gulf' – or so respondents are expected to confirm.